We'll Never Have Paris

Fewer Mannequins vol 1

2012-01-16T13:46:00.000-08:00

I just made my first cut-n-paste perzine, now at age 40, 5 years after starting the computer printed and print shop collated run We'll Never Have Paris.It is called Fewer Mannequins. I am excited to have joined the zine world in a whole new way.It is for sale for only $2, or trade.email: neverhaveparis@gmail.com I can't have another email address in my life, so this will have to do. Vol 2 is ready to go in a new months. God, why did I wait this long to do this?

review of WNHP7

2012-01-02T14:02:00.001-08:00

Just saw this, one year later...http://zinereviews.blogspot.com/2011/11/zine-review-well-never-have-paris-7.html

New Issue Pre-Announcement

2011-12-29T14:39:00.001-08:00

We'll Never Have Paris wishes everyone a happy new yearWill be announcing the theme for WNHP9 very soon, on New Year's Day.Nonfiction memoir, as always. Issue will be out in the summer to pair with the Best of WNHP.

Zine article in NYTimes

2011-10-29T15:51:00.000-07:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/23/business/media/zines-have-a-resurgence-among-the-web-savvy.html?_r=3

NY Times Zine article from 10/22/11

We'll Never Have Paris Greatest Hits Collection

2011-09-11T08:07:00.000-07:00

I'm done with the Best OF Collection, WNHP Volumes 1-8. It looks like it won't be ready and out till 2012, but I'm excited because Microcosm may be stamping it with it's mighty seal. Now I need someone to print it. And I have to ship it. Hmm, maybe I will need a Kickstarter. Check it out:

Next Pete's Mini Zine Fest - Fall Into Zines

2011-08-27T12:08:00.000-07:00

RESCHEDULED FOR OCT 1, SATURDAY

Over 20 zinesters tabling inside and outside. For a complete list see petesmzf.blogspot.com Have a beer, buy a zine and see old and new faces on the last summer days.

facebook event page: http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=239280629443148

Next Pete's Mini Zine Fest - Fall Into Zines

2011-08-12T21:36:00.001-07:00

Fall Into Zines at Pete's Candy Store! The next installation of the Pete's MZF series.

September 24, zine reading - hear from the zines in the festival, PLUS comedienne Emily Heller, fresh from San Francisco. 6:30-7:30pm. free.
September 25, zine fest - peruse zines and comics from over 20 local zinesters. Bands, beer and a kick-ass back yard patio. All ages and free. Time: 2-7pm

Pete's Candy Store
708 Lorimer St, Brooklyn
L to Lorimer, G to Metropolitan
www.petescandystore.com

Snail Opera

2011-07-27T21:12:00.001-07:00

very short review!

http://snailopera.blogspot.com/

We all love WNHP8 don't we?

2011-07-18T19:11:00.000-07:00

Did I not mention that We'll Never Have Paris 8 - Rejection, is anything but. It's the cream of the crop - this is the best issue to date. We have Joe Biel - of Microcosm! Karen Lillis of Small Press Librarian! Ed Lin of well, he has written three books!

WNHP8 features:
front cover- Ero Gray; back cover - Gabriel Liston
Seth Kaplan
Josh Medsker
Joe Biel
anonymous
Karen Lillis
Ed Lin
Lauren Ridloff
Cynthia Ball
Bob Soper
Keith Landrum
and yours truly

zine treasury

2011-06-24T12:28:00.000-07:00

There are so many zines on Etsy I promise to do this more often.

http://www.etsy.com/treasury/NTE3MDU3NHwzNzQ3NTYwMDI/zines-zines-zines?utm_source=OpenGraph&utm_medium=PageTools&utm_campaign=Share

microcosm - previous issue

2011-06-07T12:40:00.000-07:00

So, WNHP7: Modern Fire is still for sale at www.microcosmpublishing.com

WNHP8 is for sale here on my blog. thanks!

We'll Never Have Paris reading June 24

2011-06-04T16:15:00.000-07:00

Come to a reading with some of my favorite WNHP writers. Also, you can buy me a Big 4-0 Beer and see me off before my west coast tour, er, vacation.

We'll Never Have Paris at Word Up, Fri June 24, 7-8pm approx. with:

Ed Lin (WNHP7)
Cynthia Ball (WNHP8)
Josh Medsker (WNHP8)
Gus Iversen (WNHP5, 6)
at Word Up, Washington Heights

Selection from WNHP8

2011-05-28T20:30:00.000-07:00

In my error, this piece was omitted by accident from WNHP8, and I did not notice that it went to print without this excellent story by Cynthia Ball. Here it is:

THE LAMB STORE
Cynthia Ball

I was raised a Catholic. As I became more educated, I continued to doubt the teachings of Catholicism until I found myself so far removed from my faith that it was now unrecognizable. Rationally I should be an atheist. It is my secret shame that I still believe in God. That said, I consider myself an antagonistic agnostic: I believe in God, I’m just not on speaking terms with him.

After 9/11 I was laid-off from my hotel job when I received an invitation to do some holiday shopping at the Lamb Store in mid-town Manhattan courtesy of my union. It was a weird season here. The entire city was a wounded hospital psych ward. No one was really sure what to do, how to behave. Is laughing inappropriate? Crying? This thing was so huge it seemed wrong to try to go about living, as if we should have all stopped moving out of shock, honor and mourning. But there was nothing else to do. I did get laid off, which at least seemed appropriate. I was collecting unemployment, riding my bike every day and I had just quit smoking after 20 years. I did therapy once a week and tried to teach myself the guitar. I wanted to keep my spirits up, I wanted to make something of myself and not slide off into some grand frayed out depression. I was trying to be a big girl in the big city and deal directly with my feelings. I was not going to crash, like I always do, and have nothing to show for another year in my life besides credit card bills. I was curious about this invitation. What is a Lamb Store? Is that a chain? Do they have them in suburban malls everywhere right next to Cinnabons? Do they sell sweaters? My invitation, arriving by mail, gave few details, but promised that I was being offered free goods for the holidays, generously donated to the relief effort.   

The Lamb Store was located on 44th street and as it turned out, inside the Lamb of God Church. I can’t wait to write my union an angry letter- How dare they send such fragile souls to be brainwashed by the Jesus freaks? If this is their idea of help, no thank you. What if I’m Jewish? Obviously, I’m not, I’m just saying, how could they do this to us? But I can’t write the letter until I have the experience, so I unfreeze myself at the church doors. What’s the worst that can happen? I’m fairly certain I won’t be held against my will, forced to endure endless stories of personal enlightenment, and if I am, then my letter to the union is going to carry extra venom.

I enter the lobby through the heavy church doors. I am certain this is going to be just too precious, this experience. I am given a form to fill out. Entirely too much personal information, if you ask me, like my name and where I live, the name of my spouse and children. I am defiant. I don’t have any, is that OK with you Jesus freaks? Probably not. I consider filling in the abortion I’ve had instead. That’ll teach ‘em. I think I have to sneeze and I wonder how many of the people milling about will rush to say, “Bless you”.

There are others, like me, sort of, hotel workers certainly. Some were leaving with large overstuffed shopping bags. So I guess there is some stuff to get. And I want to get something for my trouble. I hand my clipboard back to the man at the desk and he looks it over. Some of my blanks are not filled in.

“Do you have any children?”

“No,” I answer, “was I supposed to? The invitation doesn’t say I have to have them.” I’m mildly annoyed already.   “Of course not,” he reassures me, “It’s just that we have a lot of toys here. Will you be doing any shopping for children this Christmas?”

I rack my brain quickly, I think there are some kids of friends or relatives. I may go home to Buffalo, there are a hundred thousand cousins there.   “Yeah, some.” I say. I haven’t the vaguest clue who, but someone might come to mind later and I would hate to have missed the opportunity.   I rattle off a couple random ages and sexes for three children and he writes them down on the paper right in the spot for the Shopper’s children. I can’t believe this, I’m faking having children and this man is a complicit accomplice. In a church. Oh, God’s gonna be mad now. I am told to take a seat and wait to meet my shopping assistant, who I suspect will try to bathe me in the love of Jesus for the duration of my “shopping”.

A bright blond male comes up to me calling out my name. His name is John, it says so on his sticker. (Will you accept John as your personal shopper?), I immediately assess HELLO, MY NAME IS JOHN as a closet case. He lisps that he is from California and has four children and has come to New York for four weeks through his church to help with the recovery efforts. That bright, bold sticker firmly written and stuck across his heart is such an earnest gesture, one that would garner smirks from any self-respecting (or self-involved) real New Yorker. Yes, I am from Buffalo, practically the mid-west, but I feel I’ve lived here long enough to earn smug superiority. My savvy city radar quickly picks up on the source of John’s weirdo religious beliefs. He buys into all that Jesus crap because it helps distract him from his own homosexuality. He figures it’s more acceptable to fixate on one nearly naked man rather than a bathhouse full. God, I’m crude. What do I care if he’s gay? And why would I think God cares? Why do I even care if God cares? The whole religious justification for homophobia is just one of the reasons I’m angry with God. John’s problem may seem simple to me, but I’m the one standing here unemployed, with no other (significant, omnipotent or otherwise) in my life.
He asks me to follow him, which I do, into a larger meeting place type room that is considerably darkened. There are some shelves, and on these shelves there are small knick-knacks and samples with handwritten numbers. There are shopping rules, John explains. I am to choose things I’d like: two things from some shelves with the smaller items and one thing each from others that have larger items. I should find the number assigned to these items and tell them to John. He will write them down and when we are finished, some one will fetch my chosen items from a storeroom. I look at these shelves, someone spaced out the items in an effort to make them seem not so bare. The donated goods are of odd and uneven origin: a scented candle, a pad of stationary, a crucifix, Calvin Klein soap, hand cream and oooh, Clinique Body Spray, a deck of playing cards. Where did this stuff come from, I wonder?

John reads from my application that I have three children. I consider telling him that it’s not true, but it seems too hard to explain. So when we reach the toy section, I am encouraged to pick out some gifts. Once again, it occurs to me that I have no need for these things, and I wonder briefly where I will re-donate them. The children’s toys are slightly banged up and out of date. I take paints that I find later are solidified and a spiral graph, which turns out to be missing some parts. I also take a talking Mr. Potato Head. I’m of an age group that had a Mr. Potato Head, but without the microchip that gives him the advanced skills. When his foot is pressed, he says brightly, “I’m Mr. Potato Head” and it makes me smile.

There’s a large table that is heaped with handmade sweaters. Among them is this sweater that really strikes me. It is crimson red with a perfect white square in the center. Sized for a baby, an infant, not even a toddler. All of the sweaters are the exact same size, made from a pattern reproduced in a Christian newsletter. Women (I imagine it’s mostly women, but what do I know?) from all over America had been struck with that same paralysis and a desperate need to help. But how? And so a hundred women took up their knitting needles and made sweaters for a hundred infants who might need warmth in New York at Christmas. I couldn’t take my eyes off that sweater with its bold contrasting colors. I had to have the sweater. I stroked the yarn, knitted and purled, appreciating the craft, the time and work someone had put into it. I could imagine a helpless baby on its back, arms stretched out like a star, its movements limited to kicks and giggles. John sees me admire it and encourages me to take it.

“But my children aren’t infants.” I say. “They aren’t even children.  ”
“It’s ok. You can give it as a gift to someone else.” he says.

I consider how different our worlds are, I’m certain in his there are always infants, families growing and expanding. The rest of the country is reaching out to NY and they can only identify with their own culture.   “Go ahead,” he insists. And I see in him the desperate need to help, to give, to assist in giving. I’m helping him by taking. So I take. It’s the least I can do. I have no idea who will fit into this sweater, but for a moment, my heart fits in it perfectly. I feel warm.   John and I pack a large bag with these items and wait for the assistant to bring down the other gifts I’ve chosen. He tells me that the people of his hometown, in fact, all over America are praying for us here in New York. His eyes and smile are reassuring, yet they also make me feel like a fraud. I don’t feel worthy of the concern. After all, I’m taking toys for children that don’t exist.   The place on my arm where my nicotine patch is starts to itch and burn. I resent that I quit smoking and I want to pull off the patch and start again. But I’m doing so well, two weeks without, after nearly twenty years of smoking. But for a moment, I can’t remember why I don’t want to get cancer and die.

While we wait, John pulls out a small notebook, writes down my name and says, “When I pray to God tonight, is there anything I can ask for on your behalf?” I’m charmed. Throw him a bone, I think. It’s his belief and I have no right to mock it especially since he is so sincere. I look at him from the side of my eyes and consider my answer. Should I ask him to pray for my fake children? That we’ll all be back to work soon? Those are phony answers to an earnest question and I don’t feel right. I wonder, is God real for him? And if, through his beliefs, has he established a close relationship with God? Maybe his version is right or, at least, honest and God listens to him. I wonder, if John prays on my behalf, will God look more kindly on me and intervene? My relationship with God is now so dysfunctional that I’m too proud to ask him directly for help. I can imagine him crossing his arms and saying back to me, “Oh, so I exist for you now? Now that you need me? How convenient.” I look at John and find that tears are welling up and when speaking, my voice is cracking, “Just, just ask him to help me get through this, this right now.”   John nods and dutifully writes it down as if he understands exactly what I mean. I don’t even know what I mean.

My lack of true faith in God? The aftermath of the World Trade Center tragedy? My craving for a cigarette? That sinking feeling that I have no job to return to? What? But I’m starting to cry anyway, because whatever it is that I do mean, I mean it with all my heart.

Second annual Pete's Candy Store Mini ZINE FEST 2 May 28

2011-05-25T15:51:00.001-07:00

Reminder, it is THIS Saturday! We hope it doesn't rain. The new issue of WNHP8 will be present.

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=102982489784307

We'll Never Have Paris 8 -Rejection finalized

2011-04-21T12:43:00.001-07:00

We have a GREAT new issue coming out next month. I am feeling super good about it. It may be ready in time for the Pete's Mini Zine Fest May 28, but cannot guarantee. You can pre-order a copy by replying to this email, or wait for it to be available on the blog or in your cool local but struggling indie book shop.

WNHP8 features:
front cover- Ero Gray; back cover - Gabriel Liston
Seth Kaplan
Josh Medsker
Joe Biel
anonymous
Karen Lillis
Ed Lin
Lauren Ridloff
Cynthia Ball
Bob Soper
Keith Landrum
and yours truly

Second annual Pete's Candy Store Mini ZINE FEST 2 May 28

2011-04-16T15:54:00.000-07:00

blog

Zine Therapy, Apr 14, Angels and Kings, 7-8pm NYC

2011-04-06T19:58:00.001-07:00

come hear Jenna Freedman, Betsy Housten, Andria Alefhi and Ayun Halliday.

Zine Therapy reading

submissions last call

2011-03-22T15:07:00.001-07:00

Submission deadline for issue 8: Rejection. We'll Never Have Paris, the zine 'for all things never meant to be'. Narrative nonfiction and drawings (no poetry please), send as an email to neverhaveparis@gmail.com

deadline reminder March 31 or sooner

2011-03-12T17:19:00.001-08:00

the sooner you get it in the more re-reads I can give it.
maybe this is a good time to write. send a submission to WNHP8 deadline is March 31. the theme is always nonfiction memoir 'all things never meant to be', but specific trigger for this issue is Rejection. send a rejection letter to you or from you. tell us how you never recovered not wining the lead role in the 3rd grade play.
neverhaveparis.blogspot.com or neverhaveparis@gmail.com

upcoming readings

2011-03-12T17:13:00.000-08:00

Sunday March 13, Minor Arcana in brooklyn, 5-8pm

minor arcana

Second annual Pete's Candy Store Mini ZINE FEST 2 May 28

2011-03-08T13:36:00.001-08:00

If you want to table at Pete's MZF this year, email now. See link to event page.
Pete's MZF2

PMZF: Gearing up for Pete's Mini Zine Fest 2011!

2011-03-01T20:04:00.000-08:00

PMZF: Gearing up for Pete's Mini Zine Fest 2011!: "Hey guys! The 2nd annual Mini Zine Fest is slated to happen on: Saturday, May 28th 2011, 3-7pm (Rain date: June 4th) It will be at Pete..."

submissions to WNHP8 - rejection due March 31

2011-02-10T13:56:00.001-08:00

It's cold and I'm broke. how about you? maybe this is a good time to write. send a submission to WNHP8 deadline is March 31. the theme is always nonfiction memoir 'all things never meant to be', but specific trigger for this issue is Rejection. send a rejection letter to you or from you. tell us how you never recovered not wining the lead role in the 3rd grade play.
neverhaveparis.blogspot.com or neverhaveparis@gmail.com

Pete's Mini Zine Fest 2, Memorial Day weekend, 2011

2011-02-02T19:36:00.001-08:00

Details to follow, it's the Saturday of Memorial Day weekend, 3-7:30pm. If you want to have a table to sell your zines at, it will be $10 again.

what's inside WNHP7

2011-01-23T10:56:00.000-08:00

some of you may be wondering. Here is a taste.

LAUREN NIXON

I ate a grapefruit and left the peel on the windowsill, let the sun kiss it for a few days. I watched it rot and harden, a circus of flies crowding the bitter rind. I watched em buzz for an hour or so, then walked away from the mess. If mother were to see the flies, the larvae, hatching, new lives blooming, she’d have a fit. But mama, I’m telling you, I like the filth of things.

II. Choose a loaf of bread (sourdough, white, honey wheat, pumpernickel). Something sturdy and seeable. Begin at the barn, tearing and dropping hunks of bread from the barn to your new destination. You will know when you’ve found a good place to stop cause your shoulders will feel like feathers and your insides’ll glimmer and blink like Orion. If you must go back, just follow the trail of crumbs. But just so you know, the barn has just burned down.

reading Jan 20, nyc, angels and kings bar and other things

2011-01-20T15:21:00.000-08:00

1. reading this evening, Andria Alefhi plus WNHP writers Josh Medsker, Aditi Sriram, Gus Iversen. Angels and Kings Bar, 500 E 11th st Manhattan, 7:30-8:30pm.

2. working on my book, by working I mean I am waiting for the chosen few who have volunteered to read it to supply me with feedback, and waiting for the proposed editor to meet with me. so working on it in a potential rather than kinetic way.

3. I have just returned from Barcelona and desperately want just 15 minutes to blog about a) flamenco dancing and music; and b) sports appreciation handicaps.

4. WNHP8, the theme is rejection. Deadline for submissions (alas, no poetry) is March 31.

reading Jan 20, nyc, angels and kings bar

2011-01-08T09:01:00.000-08:00

	Thursday, January 20 · 7:00pm - 8:30pm

Location	Angels and Kings Bar 500 E 11th St Manhattan, NY

Created By	Andria Alefhi

More Info	reading: 7:30-8:30, zines for sale. Free! Josh Medsker Gus Iversen Aditi Sriram Andria Alefhi

New issue, here. Now.

2010-12-01T20:20:00.000-08:00

Happy December! Issue 7 Modern Fire: better late than never. Let's trade! Check out the list of stores that carry zines all over the US. Buy local and handmade this season. WNHP7, here is the cover, let's get excited check it out.

WNHP7 contributors are:

william stevenson
nicole martin
betsy housten
veronica liu
ling e tao
sarah dacorta
raymond luczak
ben mitchell
martha grover
marlon dunkster
margo dabaie
vincent mccloskey
shaheim jackson
andria alefhi
lauren nixon

what are the submission guidelines?

2010-11-21T18:59:00.001-08:00

My mission statement is to publish new and first-time writers of creative, narrative, essay-like nonfiction. A chance to 'tell your story', think of it as the written version of camp fire stories. The story must be true and also fit the theme of 'all things never meant to be' or 'tales of regret'. WNHP is no longer accepting poetry submissions. Drawings however are welcomes, as well as lists of Facebook status messages. I love those.

The submission criteria may sound super specific but it's not. It could be literal or abstract. The theme for issue 8 will be 'rejection'. So either an actual rejection from a club, from publication, from friends, or maybe a trip through your mind's insecurities - a rejection of happiness. Ideas? Start writing. If you send it to me, I promise to read it and if it doesn't work for me, I will tell you why and see if we can make it work with editing.

Deadline is March 1.

NYC Zinesters Guide

2010-11-08T18:21:00.000-08:00

cant say enough good things about ayun haliday very excited to be a part of the huge event happening this thursday at housing works on nov 11 the zinesters guide published on the loveable Microcosm is out, and many of us will be there to read, revel and reveal. i believe there is some kind of hipster trivia i will wear my wonder woman arm warmers .
additionally, Zine Therapy the radio show is taking just that, a therapeutic rest, gearing up for new shows in the winter 2011 however a holiday singalong zine therapy reading should not be missed, dec 18 at Petes.

news from space

2010-10-13T18:16:00.001-07:00

I edited the Zine Therapy radio shows so now they have names. You can go to www.whfr.org and look up shows in the archives. The link for Aaron Lake Smith's show is now active.

WHFR radio shows have been a little on hold while I have been crazy busy with work and getting the next issue, WNHP7 off the ground. I'm excited to say it is bigger and better. Well, not bigger, actually smaller, quarter-size back by popular demand. But more pieces, exciting pieces, and drawings, so, a thicker issue.

1984 Printing in Oakland is going to print WNHP7. I'm very excited to work with a new printer that supports zines.

that's all for now. If you are doing something interesting, feel free to post it. write to me.

Portland Public Library rocks!@

2010-10-01T09:57:00.001-07:00

I forgot to mention, PPL bought six copies of my zine WNHP6. I have never had a library buy copies of my zine. They have a zine library, zine librarians, and they rock! Check it out!

WNHP7 done! Ready for sale Nov 1

2010-09-30T20:40:00.000-07:00

It's done. This issue took longer than it ever has before. I had double the submissions! Consequently it was difficult to make some decisions, and hard to turn pieces down. I hate having to do that. Also this zine, WNHP7 Modern Fire will be longer than issues in the past, and, more drawings, yay!

This is the final version of the cover:

Working on Submissions

2010-09-22T20:29:00.001-07:00

reading, reading, reading.

will contact all participants by end of next week. stay tuned.

there should be lit mag wedding arrangers

2010-09-12T15:38:00.000-07:00

Wouldn't it be cool if there was an arranged marriage between The Paris Review and We'll Never Have Paris?

I gave the people tabling a zine. It's probably going straight to the recycle bin.

from my blog: donuts at home

2010-09-04T19:34:00.001-07:00

When I engage people in conversation today at my SFZF table and tell them I am here from NYC, they ask me "Did you come here for this?" Not in a sarcastic, but possibly surprised way. Did I come all the way across country to sit at a table to sell four-dollar zines?

"No", I answer. "I also did the Portland Zine Symposium last week. I used to live in both cities, so I come to see friends and also do the zine fest."

Then some people went on to tell me their NY moment in life, while other people didn't seem to care whether I was local or not, disinterested in me or their zine.

One guy used the zine fest to try to pick me up. "What's a zine?" he asked. I explained it innocently. He then went on to ask about my Blackberry Pearl and if I was satisfied with it. Is this guy a shill for the company I thought. Trying to market below the radar to the indie crowd. Still not getting his angle, he pretty directly told me I was a cute NY Jew and did I want to get a drink after the show. "It's OK you have a boyfriend, a drink doesn't mean anything. Man, I would move back to NJ for you." This went on, and never one to slam the door, waited for him to take the hint. Wrong. While standing there going on about his hots for me, he actually got a boner. I got rid of him by giving him my email. Should have given a false one, but oh well.

So, what did I come here, to the zine fests, for? In fact, why do I do a zine in the first place?

I don't know.

I am not having a bad time. My one complaint being, why does zine fest have to equal not showering? Happily my table neighbors both at PZS (Hi Seth and Gabby!) and SFZF (hi Tomas and Amy!) are clean and delightful, but there was some serious hygiene issues happening today. Also, I have been selling zines and trading, when I want to. Mostly I don't accept trade. But, truthfully, am I the person doing this? I don't read a ton of zines. I don't trade except on occasion. I wouldn't sleep on someone's couch to do this. I constantly tally my sales and make cost versus earnings updates. I am 39 years old, well beyond the mean.

Also, I am not selling and printing my writing. That's the whole other new question for myself. Why am I working this hard to solicit submissions for complete strangers, sending reminders, sometimes practically begging, for someone's shot in the dark work. I read submissions that frankly suck. Folks who couldn't have possibly ever tried their piece out on a friend first. Who haven't read my zine first to get an idea, or if they have, miss the mark. I am a hard-to-please, greying, middle class fuck.

Sales. I love to sell. I am sure every zinester in the world would spit on me for the capitalist bend, my handicapping priority, but it is true. It is a thrill when someone buys my clock, zine, two-dollar hair clip, one-dollar hand made card. Print. I am a sucker for print and paper. Community. Zine folks are great, mostly. People with less money than me are ready to give me their zine for free, 'just take it'. Leadership. I like being the zine curator. This is my visual plus verbal art that is mostly all mine.

Also, the name We'll Never Have Paris is too cool to give up yet.

I got offered a gig interpreting a cruise next month. I was requested specifically by name. Sweet! I checked my calendar though, and bummer. Same weekend as Richmond Zine Fest.

See you Oct 16 in Richmond. With Volume 7, after I harangue more folks for submissions.

Check it out on the blog or buy or borrow a copy, then submit an essay, drawing, laundry list.

getting ready

2010-08-23T15:34:00.000-07:00

for the big trip and the 2 big zine fests. I'm excited and tired all at the same time. Also I will be part of a reading organized by Tomas Moniz at Needles and Pens Sept 3 in San Fran. Needles and Pens Sept 3

Send your submissions for Issue 7, Modern Fire

2010-07-29T06:24:00.000-07:00

I'm getting poetry submissions, which is good, but i would really like the stuff WNHP is based on. Narrative, honest, almost diary like but a notch above in writing quality stories and essays and memoirs! About tragic endings, or even better, mediocre endings that remind us that life is a grind. All things never meant to be, literally or abstractly. I just want it to be true, and quality writing, this is a literary zine. This theme is Modern Fire. It's so exciting.

DRAWINGS I want you, too. Poetry, well, I accept it, don't I? That's as excited as I am going to be about it, so just live with that.

Send away, to neverhaveparis@gmail.com It's nice to check out an issue first to get some ideas on style and content.

We'll Never Have Paris: Definitely a zine fest, July 31 Pete's MZF

2010-07-13T07:26:00.000-07:00

We'll Never Have Paris: Definitely a zine fest, July 31 Pete's MZF

Broeklyn press
brooklyn based

Definitely a zine fest, July 31 Pete's MZF

2010-07-13T07:25:00.000-07:00

So, so pleased with how magically this has come together. I feel like a real show promoter. So, there I was, on the phone, as always, balls to the wall, cold calling Pete's Candy Store and asking about hosting a zine fest there. I had meant to just get an email and politely hang up, sorry to bother you, an email for Andy, but I felt that maybe the guy on the phone could help me out, that my email to Andy would directly go unnoticed, and the House of Yes was about to fall through, and I had all these people and more emailing me daily to ask if they could get a table, too.

So on the phone I say, "Listen, I've got this zine fest and I need a place to host it..." And then it becomes clear a few minutes into it that the guy on the phone is Andy, or has power to book events, which I did not expect. So, without knowing me from Adam, and on the phone, I went from no possible dates, to a weekday, holding my ground, and getting a Saturday afternoon. I would say I brokered pretty well - with nothing to leverage with really! The only thing better would have been Sunday afternoon when they hold their weekly BBQ. Elated, I hung up the phone (and went to work but) immediately after work, phoned Margo (the Hookah Girl author), who had been the one to forward the call for zinesters to so many people. I told her I needed her on board and we needed to make this awesome. And she did and we are.

July 31, 3-7pm, the one the only Pete's Candy Store, Williamsburg.
Free entry, over 20 zinesters, authors, photographers, authors, and live music by John Henry Olthoff, Rad Unicorn, Scott Magri, and sarah y sue cachito

Zine Therapy and Analog Friendship

2010-06-16T20:53:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had the WNHP Radio Hour #7 with Jenna Freedman and Betsy Housten and I feel a little better about the life of WNHP. We just needed a little Zine Therapy. Through our conversations about home, belonging, writing, editing, I realized that what I want to give some spice for the next issue is what they are doing: home printing, cut and paste, personal touch. PS The theme for WNHP7 this Fall, I am excited to report, will be called Modern Fire to which I credit Amanda Boekelheide.

And now, as a side project of WNHP and which will be in insert in all issues of WNHP6 I sell starting now, or email me and I can send you a postcard, read on:

ANALOG FRIENDSHIP

Mission: To rejuvenate online, long distance and occasional friendships through physical, real contact.

Musings: Inspired by Miranda July, the band Horse Feathers and the postcards from Jaime found cleaning out my apartment on May 4, 2010.

Methodology: While seeing the band my mind wandered to my friend, Vincent. I recalled a story he told me about writing something on a bar napkin and realized that while I have known him for years I don't think I have ever seen his writing. I then thought of all the friendships I have that are
- entirely digital via email, text, facebook
- friends I haven't seen in years
- acquaintances I haven't gotten to know as friends

Material: This is the postcard I am mailing. My goal is to everyone I am 'friends' with on Facebook, though I will start with actual friends that meet my personal criteria. You are welcome to reproduce this reminder card and send it to your friends, this is open source material. You can change it or use it as a launching board for a creative project or pie chart.

All I ask is that you SHARE your results. Please post your friend's replies, your revised checklists, photos of you and your friend doing an item on the list, scanned letters back from friends.

inspirational block

2010-06-13T19:24:00.000-07:00

I feel the zine has come to a lull. Things are blah. I feel like the zine's popularity has hit a wall, that I don't know where else to market it, and that maybe it is not relevant anymore. Help.

Probably a Bushwick Zine Fest July 25

2010-05-31T19:00:00.000-07:00

A zine grows in Bushwick at the House of Yes, probably. July 25. If you want to table there with your zine, contact me. Setting it up now, joining an already planned awesome event with bands and acts and tattoo artist, just add water. Need some more tablers and get this, looks like the table space is free.

Admission is probably $10 and time about 1-7pm. Stay tuned.

I am a Feminist

2010-05-11T06:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I read at Cyclops in Baltimore. What a weird deal. I thought it was going to be fun and I was going to ride over and back with my other readers. Why else would I take a bus to Baltimore? This didn't happen, 2 people backed out and the other who organized it ended up inviting 3 of his guy friends who all got a car ride over. When I got there, there was no one there for the reading. Just 3 other male readers, the male store owner, and the male videographer. I thought, I don't even want to read.

And then 4 rad womyn showed up and I was never so glad to see another female in my life. I mean that. I have never felt that way before. Went up to them and asked' "you aren't leaving, are you?" Turns out they were women's studies majors and produce the great feminist zine, Hoax. We swapped zines and I read my very feminine/feminist piece, then the guys blew me off and the girls walked me to the bus stop. Thanks, Hoax! I submitted the piece to their next issue that I read at Cyclops and I am looking forward to reading the issues they gave me, plus Sari's perzine "You've got a Friend in PA".

Miranda July + the band Horse Feathers = upcoming readings

2010-05-04T20:30:00.000-07:00

Listening to the band Horse Feathers at the Mercury Lounge tonight and touching a Miranda July activity book last week resulted in a new project I have created. I also had a second coffee, breaking 2 coffee rules at once, and I have paid the price. If you watch for it, there may be a naming of said new project in passing in a future posting, or maybe not, I am feeling sneaky and caffistatic.

The next reading: May 9 at Cyclops in Baltimore, 7pm.

Coming up: May 21 at the KGB Bar. This will be my maiden voyage and I am trying to decide what I can read in front of people I know that won't reveal too much out of a portfolio of all confessional writings.

We'll Never Have Paris 6: Now with Poetry

2010-04-26T11:04:00.001-07:00

Here is a sample of what is inside the issue. This is a poem by Buzz Poole.

tell me about it
Buzz Poole

spring tall stalks of lavender scent the evening’s early fog, perfumed
hats stride atop high heels, black and red dresses, wide belts
heel, toe, heel, toe, heel, toe
brumbled away by the consumptive van
plastered w/ pictures of Christ
loud w/ radio voices:
i kneeled at the gate and was lifted to the sky
tell me about it
tell me about it
only the lord can take you so high
the new moon, calla lily white
on the hill’s sleeve, cuffed by new night
a pearl link fingered,
by routines of many times
measured in spans of light
television listings
sea changes
and faded icons that shed
like eucalyptus bark pours down as snakes
shed this time for another
fall prostrate to the ground
tell me about it
tell me about it
sings this vehicle of the lord
about a son immaculated
proving nothing is as basic as water
and obvious as death

you can shop and buy zines

2010-04-21T11:39:00.000-07:00

I also make clocks and will be selling clocks, hair clips and WNHP6 in Brooklyn this weekend.

Saturday 4/24 at Spring Handmade Cavalcade: http://handmadecavalcade.com/index.html

next Saturday: May Day at the Ding Dong (or May the Ding Dong Day). 5/01/10 http://maydaydingdong.blogspot.com/

also May 8 at Crafts in Chelsea http://www.thenewnewny.com/CIC_sp10.html

WNHP6 finally and NJ Zine fest

2010-04-10T22:28:00.000-07:00

I am usually on time with announcements and deadlines. WNHP6 is the rainbow that follows a week of taxes and bed bugs. I only wish that were a metaphor. Tomorrow I will be at the NJ Zine Fest. Come. Here is the list of contributors for this issue which will be out in a week or two. You can pre-order now.

Cecelia Mariscal
Eric Nelson
Buzz Poole
Gillian Morgan
John Berendzen
Raymond Luczak
Lorraine Schein
Ben Mitchell
Jaime Borschuk (who also did the cover art!)
drawings by Gabriel Liston
Aditi Sriram
Gus Iversen
Chris Roberts
Tim Josephs
and me

second wind

2010-04-03T19:34:00.000-07:00

My last post was March 8? I simply can't believe that. Almost a month ago? Where the fuck does time go? No really. Where does it go?

The deadline for submissions has passed. I received a fair amount this time around so I am very excited. I really blanked on a cover design this time, and it looks like Jaime to the rescue. Though I greatly appreciate offers from Nathan, Veronica and Gabriel.

I will be posting a list of this issue's contributors and I am very excited for upcoming readings, radio shows and already planning WNHP7.

readings, radio shows, ready

2010-03-08T12:38:00.000-08:00

There are several readings for April and May. Briefly, save the date:
April 15 Brooklyn, April 16 NJ, May 1 Manhattan, May 8 Baltimore

The radio show is wonderful. Thank you Washington Heights Free Radio! Next one is 4/21.

Deadline for WNHP6, now with poetry, is upon us. List of authors will be posted shortly, issue out in mid-April. Still deciding on a cover!

a nice little review

2010-02-08T12:39:00.001-08:00

from the blog, here on Blogger, Batteries not Included.

I also write

2010-02-05T20:22:00.000-08:00

In addition to curating the zine, I also write. My blog is donutsathome

microcosm is where it's at.

2010-01-29T19:41:00.000-08:00

microcosm link. Please buy WNHP4 at Microcosm, so they will order more. I need this.

ipod shuffle

2010-01-17T06:59:00.000-08:00

things coming up.

1. I read on Washington Heights Free Radio and you missed it. My friend Vern and a few others have a radio station in their apartment. I didn't know either. You can listen to the archive which may be up today or tomorrow at wfhr.

2. readings! January 30 Saturday at the Wooden Shoe in Philadelphia. Reading with others, still waiting on list, but should be at least Eric Nelson, Gus Iversen, Cassie J Sneider. Same line-up next day, so we could call this a reading tour. Sunday Jan 31 at our very own Bluestockings bookstore in NYC. Both at 7pm. You should come.

3. Future: zine 4 is available, zine 5 is sold out. Eberhardt press is taking a leave of absence so I went with Unique Copy again. For zine 6 I am going to see between 1984 in Oakland or Parcell Press in Philadelphia (used to be Richmond).

Submissions being accepted till March 30. You should submit. I mean it.

repost: essay by Gus Iversen

2009-12-27T19:05:00.000-08:00

This issue features the bittersweet theme of HOME. We are a print only journal but to give you a taste, I have chosen one essay that you can read in entirety here on the blog. please read to give you an idea for style and content before you submit.

DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS

There were two Indian women on the subway. Each of them wearing a colorful sari and holding an enormous blue cart at their feet. Like a grocery cart but twice as big. The carts were filled with large cloth sacks, which were filled with I don’t know what. The older one had a small stud in her nose. We were sitting directly across from each other and I wondered if they had just arrived from India or maybe Bangladesh. I looked closely at their mouths and tried to see if they were the kind of mouths that form English words.

A man with a gray goatee and a Puerto Rico baseball cap sat down next to the older one and accidentally brushed her elbow. They smiled at each other in the way people on the subway do when unintentional contact has been made. She then turned away from him and back towards me. She put her head on her daughter’s shoulder and giggled uncontrollably. Her eyes had fireworks in them. I imagined he was the first American she had exchanged idle pleasantries with. Between bouts of laughter she would whisper a strange language in her daughters ear. My heart nearly exploded, I diverted my eyes and concentrated on those mysterious cloth sacks. I wanted to know their secrets.

In Berlin I met a Russian man at 4 o’clock in the morning. We were the only people around and we both wanted company. I spoke zero Russian and he spoke zero English. We drank two beers together, throwing non-sequitors back and forth to the keep the silence at bay. His countenance was sort of frightening but I decided it was just a cultural thing. I imagine our conversation may have gone something like this.

“I am going to Prague in two hours. Sad to leave Berlin. Beautiful people here.”

“I don’t understand a word you just said. What a shitty night it‘s been!”

“Umm… yea. Ah. Have you ever been there? I want to see the Charles Bridge.”

“You’re a strange person, aren’t you? Thank god for beer. Why on Earth haven‘t you gone home yet?”

“…My sister broke her leg once taking out the garbage…”

One morning in Amsterdam I awoke to find a ladybug had made a home for herself in my belly button. I had been dreaming about flowers. Beautiful flowers of all different colors and impossible compositions. They were everywhere and for some reason I lacked coordination and kept stepping in their beds. Every time I stepped on a different flower it made me feel terrible. I really didn’t want to step on them, but my muscles were not in my control. So to awake from this dream and find a ladybug had made a home out of my belly button -- well, I stayed in bed extra long so as not to disturb it.

When I finally got up I scooped my little tenant onto my finger and she walked around a little bit. She was disoriented with sleep but at least I hadn’t squashed her. I hopped down from my bunk bed and took her to the porch. This woke up my Italian roommates. I told them all about it but I’m not sure it really came across. I do not speak Italian.

It was the first time I’d been out of The United States in over fifteen years. I was traveling alone and I only got back a week ago. Ever since returning home people have been talking to me more on the streets. They ask me for directions, they comment about how nice the weather is, one little kid even asked me to pet his dog. Nobody spoke to me before the trip. I had been closed off somehow without knowing it. Furthermore, certain elements of the tourist still compel me; the landscape will not be lost on my lens. This is New York City, after all.

The Indian women, they understood this. It was an enthusiasm we shared. They got off the train at 104th St., deep in Queens. Their gargantuan carts thumping as they jostled from the train to the platform. They pushed their carts westward, the mother walking ahead of the daughter. I continued on until 121st St. in Kew Gardens. I don’t live here. I am cat sitting here for a friend of a friend while she is in Seoul negotiating fabrics. That was a long train ride. I was on my way back from downtown Manhattan. You can sit on the steps of Federal Hall with it’s bricks and winding sidewalks and forget for a moment that this is where you live.

short SURVEY your feedback wanted

2009-12-27T18:50:00.000-08:00

Hello readers of We'll Never Have Paris:

I will keep it short. After 5 issues I thought it time for a short SURVEY. If you would kindly fill this out and return it the staff of WNHP would greatly appreciate your feedback. you can cut and paste these into an email or leave comments in the section.

Ha, no, it's still just me but I now have enlisted the editorial prowess of Mr. Jonathan Lamberton who has cleaned up WNHP5 which is about to be re-printed typo free. Also reprinting WNHP4, so there will be a small new batch of back & current issues.

While we are at it, if I may, just one word. Microcosm! Microcosm has agreed to pick up copies of WNHP4 for distribution. Distros are to zines what labels are to records and Microcosm is #1. Please check them out!

PS: If you are a facebook group member you will probably get this email again, sorry for duplication.

SURVEY

1. Why did you first read WNHP? (cover drawing, it was free, a friend recommended it...)

2. Did you purchase it and from where (or was it free or did we trade?)

3. What was the best thing about the zine? (content, individual story, size, it was free) please be honest.

4. What needs to be improved? Please be honest. Keep in mind the mission statement is nonfiction and 'all things never meant to be'. (this remains).

5. is there something that you would like to see added that would encourage you to purchase again and or submit a piece yourself?

THANKS!!!!

--
neverhaveparis.blogspot.com

facebook groups: we'll never have paris

thank you

2009-12-10T20:43:00.001-08:00

Wow. Something is in the water this week! I've been actively involved in publicizing We'll Never Have Paris for submissions and it has paid off. Someone has purchased one issue of WNHP5 everyday this week which is a record. I have only 7 left which I need to save for readings and celebrity drop-ins, therefore I am officially sold out.

I plan to do a second printing of WNHP4. Not that 5 isn't great but I don't want to pay to reprint both. If you have read both and have an opinion do tell me which you enjoyed more.

If you are friends with a distro, Microcosm for example, I would love to be picked up.

If you are a writer, send a submission for WNHP6, deadline March 30.

Volume 6 - Now With Poetry

2009-12-03T19:55:00.000-08:00

Uncharacteristically, I am ready to promote the future WNHP6 - now with poetry. I kind of want to say 'up with people' as a theme, but this issue is the iron curtain coming down. let the format in.

I guess I am building the hype for submissions now because I greatly want a reader to write to me and say, I know about your lit zine. I am not Miranda July or David Sedaris or Elieen Myles or Howard Junker but I am going to send a submission and try with all my might to get the word out, dammit.

Deadline is months and months away. But you could start spreading the word now. It would be cool.

On Tour

2009-10-05T20:53:00.000-07:00

This is great. I'd always hoped to be in a band long enough and with their shit together enough to do a band tour. Cross country or at least down the west coast. That never happened. A reading tour I now realize is better. The same idea of meeting nice people, sleeping on couches and selling your handiwork, all without hauling gear or the fear of a broken into van!

This is my second time in the southern half of the East coast, ever. It's been great to hang out with Dave Cole and eat, read and visit independent bookstores in cities such as Charlotte, Athens, Birmingham, and Asheville. I'm sorry I am not going to get to the Richmond Zine Fest this fall but I know that would be one awesome time. Maybe next year.

Dave had the great idea of doing a WNHP podcast, ala This American Life. I hope to make this happen.

WNHP5 reading tour and readiness details

2009-09-15T15:01:00.000-07:00

WNHP5 front cover, Gabriel Liston

this issue features:

Gus Iversen
Jaime Borschuk
Cecelia Mariscal
Shaheim Jackson
Karen Lillis
Veronica Liu
Redguard
Dave Cole
Andria Alefhi

Issues are $4 by mail. Contact me.

WNHP south eastern reading tour: Athens, Birmingham, Asheville:

Athens, GA on Oct 2: TBA
Birmingham, AL at GREENCUP BOOKS October 5
Asheville, NC at DOWNTOWN BOOKS AND NEWS October 6

Vol 5 and Philly Zine Fest

2009-09-06T21:07:00.000-07:00

Volume 5 is nearly complete. Will be ready before Philly Zine Fest Sept 20.

sample essay

2009-08-25T15:41:00.000-07:00

This is a high quality, personal and hysterical story by Cassie J Sneider who allowed me to reprint this and include it in WNHP Volume 4. This is meant to help give writers an idea of what I am looking for, but certainly not limited to, this example.

"
Extreme Close-Up

by Cassie J. Sneider

“You got that new Armored Saint album?”

I looked up from what I was doing, rubbing my temples and seeing a guy in his early thirties with glasses and a Mike Meyers in Wayne’s World mullet and baseball cap combination. At the record store, I am frequently spoken to by the customers without a formal greeting to garner my attention. It is then up to me to determine without a ‘hello’ whether or not I am being addressed. He blinked, staring emphatically in my direction.

Yes. He was talking to me.

I nodded and remembered that someone had called earlier in the day asking for that very album. I started to walk to the counter, where I thought I had left it, when he asked another question without addressing me specifically.

“Who does your work?”

This is the way one person with tattoos acknowledges those of another. Even if I am wearing a sweater, I am asked this all day, every day. I were covered in roses and barbed wire, or had an exboyfriend’s name enscripted on my neck, I might feel special, glad for the attention from a like-minded individual. Instead, I feel weird and indecent, like I have been walking around with my fly open in the children’s oncology ward. This happens so often that I’ve thought of saying things like, “Dr. Rothstein did the butt implants. Dr. Sinclair did the breast lift,” but I am genuinely surprised each time someone comments on my appearance, so I just tell the truth.

“Some guy in Connecticut,” I say, pressing my thumbs into my head, like a person in an ad for Nuprin. Little. Yellow. Different.

“That’s cool,” Wayne Campbell continues without absorbing my response. “I do my all my own stuff, and you know, sometimes it just…” He rolls up his sleeves and talks, not to me, but for his own sake, to feel alive and connected to a human being at that moment, regardless of whether or not they care or have had a headache for two days and the sound of human voices are making them want to vomit. Pugsley came with me to work today, and he sits at my feet, staring at me, then looking to the time-warped metalhead talking at me. Pugsley has been touched by every dirtbag in Ronkonkoma today, stooping to pet him with hands that smell vaguely of weed before looking for Halford on cassette.

Pugsley does not mind that the people petting him think he is a bulldog or smell like liquor. He just wants to be petted, and I have a feeling if Pugsley were human, he would be an out-of-control teen on a talk show, the kind that admits to the producers that they slept with an older man for sneakers.

“That’s a great dog, you know, how he just follows you around like that. Real fuckin’ great dog. My girlfriend had a Pomeranian- Rottweiler mix, but she took it when she left me. Fuckin’ bitch…”

I dig through the special orders, determined that once I find this Armored Saint album, the talking will end. Then I will be left alone with my migraine, to recoil from noise and rays of light like a nocturnal animal.

“I called you this morning. That was me. I hadda make sure I had enough bottles to cash in to make the money to get this fuckin’ album. So I stayed home drinking all day and then cashed ‘em in…”

In an hour, I will close the store. In an hour and five minutes, I will lay in the dark in my room, feeling like my skull has turned into a centrifuge, listening to the sound of Pugsley laying in the dark, chewing a rawhide with the methodical compulsion of someone who needs every Armored Saint album right now no matter what.

My friend Matt works at the record store, too, and we have discussed this phenomenon before, the customer who comes in reeking of alcohol, talking about how they just got laid off and their kid is in the hospital, but buys three Accept records with car change. “Don’t do it, buddy,” we want to say. “Save it for a rainy day. ‘Balls to the Wall’ will sound much sweeter once your kid is in remission.”

We take their money. We say nothing. We talk about it amongst ourselves, hoping the therapy of admission will turn us into good people.

“…and you know how that all turned out! Fuckin’ A! Hey, were you at the Twisted Sister show last night?”

This catches me off guard.

“What?”

“Twisted Sister. Were you at that show?”

“Uh,” I start to laugh. “No.” My cerebral cortex shrinks and tightens. “Should I have been?” Pain shoots everywhere.

“Coulda sworn I saw you there. Great fuckin’ show. They really packed it out…”

I find the Armored Saint album. Then I am struck by the realization that I LOOK LIKE A TWISTED SISTER FAN. I look like I walk around in a denim jacket with jeans and white Reeboks. I look like I have a perm. I look like I listen to “I Wanna Rock” in a rented room, wishing I had the wherewithal and tools with which to rock, but somehow, because of conspiracy and socio-economic status, cannot.

I look down at my hands, where tattoos creep out even when I am wearing a sweater. I think about all the times someone has asked me where I get my work done. I think about how the first show I ever went to was Ratt. I see my life is a cruel full circle of irony taken a little too far, the embrace of from where and whom I have sprung that has turned into a hug of all the things I think are disgusting and laugh at. I look down at my feet, making sure this is not a bad dream, that I am still wearing shoes. I see Pugsley. If this is a bad dream, we are in this together, kicking, twitching, and whimpering in our sleep.

Pugsley wags his curled tail.

Once for a bad dream; twice if it’s real, son.

There are two sideways rotations.

Shit.

“Hey, you know Johnny Wild Child?”

“Who?”

“Johnny Wild Child. Black hair. Bandanna. Blue eyes. Wears a leather jacket. He fuckin’ comes in here all the time.”

“Yes,” I say. “I know him. Why?” The person he was referring to bought Iron Maiden DVDs and had told me five hundred times that Al Lewis once tried to come on to his exgirlfriend in a strange mirror-within-a-mirror attempt at hitting on me. I had no idea that his name, as a forty-something year old man, was Johnny Wild Child. Now I knew.

“That’s my roommate!” We now knew the same person, which made us in the same peer group. A real connection had been forged. My brain twitched, and I closed one eye, disclosing the lightening storm of misfiring neurons in my skull.

“Look, dude, I-” I started, but was interrupted by another customer walking in the door. She had bigger hair, white eyeliner, and real roses and barbed wire curling around her bruised bicep.

“Nice doggie!” she said, bending so that eight inches of thong slid out and revealed itself. Pugsley ran back and forth under her acrylic nails, doing all the petting himself. “Hey, I know you!” she said to Wayne Campbell. “Village Pub?”

“Fuckin’ A!” he said. “Say, weren’t you at the Twisted Sister show last night?”

“Fuck, yeah! They really fuckin’ rocked it! Hey, you’re friends with Johnny Wild Child, right?”

Pugsley returned to his place at my feet. We looked at each other, me rubbing my temples, he wagging his tail in motions of two, and we counted down the hour until it was time to close down our corner of a small world. "

We'll Never Have Paris VaRiEtY sHow 8/22

2009-08-19T15:54:00.000-07:00

We'll Never Have Paris Variety Show #3

where: Hi Christina 632 Grand St, Brooklyn, just off the L at Lorimer

Saturday Aug 22, 8-11pm. Cost: $10 for show, includes raffle prizes

We'll Never Have Paris is a NYC literary journal and zine that publishes narrative nonfiction. The WNHP variety show is an opportunity for anyone new and experienced to perform their stuff, just as the zine encourages first time writers.

Performers include Amy Harlib with yoga dance contortion, TJ Hospodar of BACON PANTY (http://www.tjhospodar.com/), Russ Josephs (http://russjosephs.wordpress.com), Scott Magri music and video, Joseph Mauricio with comedy, Fritz and Christina of LOVE Sparkle, ANdria Alefhi, Pablo Paniagua from the Mera Makia Circus System and more!

OPen Mic performance opportunity! for more info: http://www.hichristina.com/

SUBMISSIONS for We'll Never Have Paris

2009-08-17T06:19:00.001-07:00

this is a good time to relax and write that essay you have been meaning to write for We'll Never Have Paris. Don't know what to write? Think of it as an email to a friend you are never going to send. Something real and not fictional, something personal but universal. something 1,000 words or less.

OR send me Facebook status messages, tiny bubbles of prolonged failure. deadline! Sept 3

thanks. contact me with questions, send submissions as a word doc to neverhaveparis@gmail.com

NYC ZINE FEST

2009-06-30T09:03:00.000-07:00

NYC ZINE FEST was great. I almost skipped on it, and I'm glad Drew and Greg talked me into it. I saw some great art work and zines, met cool people, and someone even came up to me and said 'oh I read your blog.' ALso someone came by and said she was writing a piece on the zine fest and would include me in it (Manhattan magazine, I believe). That would be cool.

So someone reads the blog after all.
ALso, I'm officially sold out of Volumes 1-4. Considering a second printing of the most current issue, Volume 4 "We are all telling the truth" which has an interview with Jeff Stark. If you want to order it please let me know so I can decide on a reprinting.

Don't forget, looking for performers and readers for the Variety show, end of August, at HiChristina.

Cul de Sac

2009-06-03T18:52:00.000-07:00

In (random year) in (random city) I took guitar lessons with (Tommy Carnes). He would just be (random teacher) were it not for a CD that he'd recorded and given to me. One of those CDs you get for free that you sometimes never even unwrap let alone listen to with a cheesy photo of himself in sunglasses for the cover, the tracks ranged from unmemorable to bad except for track number 10 which started out equally average and somehow, undescribeably, transformed from nothing into something. Something persistent, consistent, plain - and with only the weakest extra effort, the smallest insinuation of intent this song exploded when he got to the last verse. "I'm coming back home to you".

I don't normally go for singer-songwriters and acoustic guitars. I forgot about this song and moved four more times and somehow this year the song popped into my head. I can't believe I still had the CD. I went directly to track 10, yes, this was what I wanted to hear. Thank you, Tommy Carnes. I checked and he is not on iTunes, which is kind of a blessing because everything we post today seems to be an advertisement. But I will put this song on my blog (when I figure out how) because it ties in to the theme for Issue number 5: Home.

NJ Zine Fest successful

2009-04-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

I went to NJ zine fest with Matthew Mendez. He picked up my zines on a 2-month solo road trip across the USA and took the time to email and tell me he'd bought, read and enjoyed them (nice!). We've become zine buddies as a result. His zine, Number Nothing is great. We shared a table yesterday and made some new friends. Nicole at Click Clack distro, Parcell Press Taylor and Juliet, Chris at Wooden Shoe book shop in Philly, Brandi of Fat Girl zine and old friends were there, too like Redguard of Absent-Cause zine. I sold many copies also sold two of my new york clocks which was a great bonus. The folks with book stores, distros and other zines were great. The residents of Rutgers however, not so saavy. Two girls came to our table. One read an entire piece from mine and the other read a piece from Matthew's. Then put it down and left. Can you eat half an apple and then walk away without paying? Not cool. My zine is $3 in stores and $4 via paypal/snail mail. Thanks.

WNHP Vol 4 April 17

2009-03-30T12:00:00.001-07:00

We'll Never Have Paris celebrates Vol 4 with some new things like illustrations and interviews. Still nonfiction, still print only, no online ezine. Still a good honest read. Pre-order now. Volume 5 will be out November 1, submissions accepted now through October 1

Contributors include:
Jeff Stark (an interview!)
Nathan Schreiber (illustration!)
Jaime Borschuk
Cassie J Sneider
TJ Hospodar
Matthew Mendez
Karen Lillis
Cecelia Mariscal
tamara lazaroff

gearing up ahead of schedule: Vol 4

2009-01-09T16:19:00.000-08:00

To my surprise, I pulled out the box of zines for sale under my couch and discovered I only have ten left. Those went fast!

This means I can definitely go on with Volume 4 since I must have made some money in sales and therefore have interest. Either that, or a whole box of zines went absently into recycling.

SUBMIT your essay on how the glass is half full in your life with a direct or indirect personal account kind of story of 1,000 words or less.
NEW! This volume I am interested in something new: Facebook status messages, send me yours. Also the interview. If you wish to be interviewed or want to interview me, contact me. I have never done either and it's on my mind.

Deadline for all submissions is now March 31.

Zine reading Wed Jan 7 at Bluestockings

2009-01-01T12:48:00.000-08:00

Come on out if you live locally to Bluestockings Jan 7 at 7pm. Free/donation.
Bluestockings events
we make zines

Happy New Year

2009-01-01T12:10:00.000-08:00

I saw the movie Revolutionary Road the other day, which was Hollywood and mediocre. However, it did bring up a scare for me, much like the year I had decided to be Cruella deVille for Halloween and then the movie remake came out and it looked as though I'd gotten the idea from the film, but I hadn't. The film's star point is the climactic build up move to Paris that then never happens and drama ensues.

This blog and zine are in no way reflective or related to Revolutionary Road. Please.

With that said, here are photo submissions of what Paris means to you.
Despite the deadline, keep these coming. thanks, 2009.

We'll Never Have New Year's

2008-12-10T09:42:00.000-08:00

New Year's reminds me of all the resolutions big and small we make as a bargaining tool for ourselves to get through another year. 'We'll Never Have Paris' is a zine for all things never meant to be.

In the spirit of combination, I invite you to submit your secret 'never have new years' resolution, poem, haiku, blurb, photo or drawing. These will appear on the blog and on a facebook page. The winners will appear in print in Volume 4 and if a photo or drawing, possibly as the front cover. They can be printed as 'anonymous'.

A contest of prolonged failure, if you will.

The deadline is January 1.

neverhaveparis@gmail.com

Designer Markets in Brooklyn this season

2008-11-20T08:56:00.000-08:00

I also make pop art clocks from found, vintage and recycled items, my own photographs, free NYC postcard advertisements and the occasionally purchased tea tin from Chinatown. Some places this holiday season to purchase clocks and also my zines, in the Brooklyn/NYC area are:

www.lasuperette.org
brooklyn indie market (BIM)
also online (soon) at
Indie Collective
and of course, on Etsy.

Volume 3 ready November 1

2008-10-21T16:15:00.000-07:00

This fall features 9 writers. They are:

Amanda Boekelheide
Alexis Clements
Mary Francis Flournoy
Dave Cole
Russ Josephs
Andria Alefhi
Martha Grover
Jennifer Viale
Redguard

For sale Nov 1 for $3.50 shipping included.

Never Too Late to Never Have Paris

2008-07-21T12:41:00.000-07:00

Folks have been asking for a sample of what kinds of essays go into the zine. In the spirit of compromise, not wanting to make WNHP an online zine, here is a link to an essay that I have in volume 2. This is just to offer a suggestion of theme and style. Certainly, looking for any essay, 1,000 words or less on the theme of "all things never meant to be". First time writers encouraged!

sample essay

Also, there are still copies remaining of Volume 2 which can be purchased here via PayPal. Or, drop me a line and we can do it snail mail.

Get to a pool at least once this summer. I demand it!

-[a.]

June 1 at BPC Zine release party and variety show

2008-05-14T19:05:00.000-07:00

Come on out and buy my zine with 7 great stories by 7 great authors.
Show will include performances by Joe Dixon (comedy), Jim Saint-Amour (drum composition), ProGrammar (the one, the only, beat box freestyle), Sean Blue (juggler extrodinare) and your very own host, me. $8 for entry, 4-6pm at Bowery Poetry Club.

Volume 2 now available

2008-04-14T19:13:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to the writers of volume 2. They are:
Mark Rosenberg
Amanda Boekelheide
John Berendzen (as Joao XXX)
Steve Green
Tiffany Stevens
me
Russ Josephs
drawing by Patty Liang

Volume 2 is currently for sale at $3 and can be purchased here on this blog by clicking on the Paypal link. It will also be for sale at some fine independent bookshops across the country, a list of links will be added to this blog. The essays will not be featured here, WNHP is a print-only small press literary operation.
* This volume proudly went into a second printing. Issues are still available. In partnership with Eco Libris, a tree was planted for each copy of this reprinting.

2 Shows Coming Up

2008-03-27T20:53:00.000-07:00

Readings from new writers for WNHP at Bluestockings on May 29, 7-8pm.
address 172 Allen on the lower east side. bus 15 or V/V to 2nd ave

WNHP Variety Show and Zine Release Party.
We're doing it again. Evening of indie cabaret celebrating the spoken word.
Music! Comedy! Readings! Raffle! Fun!
"We'll Never Have Paris" will be for sale.
June 1, Sunday, 4-6pm at Bowery Poetry
Club, 308 Bowery @ Bleecker, F train to Second Ave
Cost: $8 for entry.

Volume 2 slated for May 1

2008-03-13T19:38:00.000-07:00

Learning to use InDesign, tackling technology that is over my head, ready to bring fictional non-fiction into the world in the form of a zine on May 1.

I have all the submissions I need for Volume 2, and I am now accepting submissions for Volume 3. The goal is twice yearly.

Order now, what the hell, its three dollars. I'm already over budget and haven't printed yet. Send an email.

For those of you wondering, yes there are other great zines out there, and yes I am getting out there to support them in the form of attending readings and also buying zines. This blog however will not be a place for links and advertising. Instead, see donutsathome for things meant to be.

Successful show

2008-01-27T19:26:00.000-08:00

The show tonight was a big success. I'm really pleased with the turnout and the performers were great. Thanks Bowery Poetry Club, I hope you will have us back.

On another note, submissions are coming in, so anyone still interested in submitting, get them in. Once the spring issue is full, any submissions taken will be held for the fall edition.

Info about WNHP

2008-01-01T13:36:00.000-08:00

This blog is a placeholder to publicize the new, NY-based literary zine called "We'll Never Have Paris". This is a print-only zine, so I will not be posting an e-version.

For essays and stories similar to WNHP or for news related to it please see my blog which is regularly updated, that is: donutsathome.blogspot.com

"We'll never have Paris" small press lilterary zine
now seeking submissions.

We'll never have Paris, for all the things never meant to be. Seeking writing that embodies on some level the human condition and the glass half-filled permanently.

Criteria:
Fictional non-fiction, fiction once removed, narrative
non-fiction. No poems, no fiction.
Haikus OK. 1,000 words or less. send:
neverhaveparis@gmail.com

EVENT on 1/27, NYC:
Evening of indie cabaret celebrating the spoken word.
Music! Comedy! Readings! Raffle! Fun!
A fundraiser for brand new, NY-based zine "We'll never
have Paris". 1/27, Sunday, 6-8pm at Bowery Poetry
Club, 308 Bowery @ Bleecker, F train to Second Ave
Cost: $6 for entry